Anonymous said: omg if baby oil dissolves condoms what the fuck does it do to babies???
This may be shocking, but babies and condoms are made of different material
it’s like rock paper scissors: baby oil defeats condom, baby defeats baby oil, condom defeats baby
gf: babe come over
bf: i cant, im in the city hall to submit some very important documents
gf: im off my period
LOL when you’re cleaning out your contacts on your phone and you come across your ex’s number and the picture you had saved under his name was a picture of his body.
I’m gonna leave it there though because just incase he does ever call I’ll know it’s only his body calling, definitely not his personality 😂😂😂😂😂
Urghh all these things I wanna say but it’s better if I just keep my mouth shut and say nothing at all.
Single life problems
whenever someone says they’re “taken” i assume they’re waiting for liam neeson to save them
At my funeral:
Why not [drink] soda?
my favorite game is “shit i lost my phone in my blankets where the fuck did it go”
Difficulty level: Silent with no vibrate
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